Only For You Will I Suffer
by Emo Vampire Chic
Summary: The Soviet Union has reconstructed and Russia is out to make the perfect world, by his veiws. Ukraine, who is against the idea, is eventually forced to join as they begin to threaten the man she loves, but how far will she go to protect him? CanUkr
1. My Love

**Only For You I Will Suffer **

I stared in the mirror as, a girl from my past stared back. I hated seeing myself like this, I had promised myself I would never have to ever again, but here I was, staring gravely at my uniform and the Soviet Union flag that rested over my breast pocket.

The restart of the Soviet Union was not my idea, but Russia and Belarus'. While to me it had seemed that over the years Russia had smooth things over with the rest of the world, however, it seemed his feelings were not completely done. It was a G8 meeting that was the final blow to Russia. Ivan, had always been a cheerful man, even when he was angry, which got really creepy, but I saw something that was sight so rare, that at first I thought it was not true. Ivan came home, his face twisted in intense anger, his smile gone and his scarf missing from his neck.

"I am going to kill that America!" he shouted. "I will kill him and all those around him! I will make this world perfect, the way I want it…one day!" He slumped in to his chair, his face falling in to his hands. "But how, they will not listen to me, they will not hear me, I will forever be the villain Soviet Russia, they will always see me from my past!"

I looked back at him. "Vanya, what is wrong," I said watching him from the couch as he gripped his platinum hair between his tight fingers. Belarus left the place where she was sitting next to me on the couch and walked over and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Those stupid members of the G8, I try and try to communicate with them, I try to be friends with them, but they are afraid of me, they don't trust me. I want to have a perfect world, a peaceful world, just like any of them, but they will not listen to my ideas. They ignore me, because they don't think I am capable of making peace, they would rather hear what that stupid American has to say! Why is that guy so annoying? I know he calls himself a hero, but who does he really save by getting into everyone's situations, and sticking his noise where he doesn't belong, that is not a hero, that is a nuisance, he is nothing more than a buzzing fly, one that I am determined to stop," he said completely enraged. His anger scared me a bit as he spoke of hurting America, recently America and I have become friends, and I had also become really close to, Matvey, America's brother, we even had special relations between both of our countries. I wouldn't be able to stand seeing them hurt at my brother's hand.

"If they do not believe in you, brother, then you must prove it to them, and make this perfect world that you seek," Natalya told him, rubbing his back trying to comfort him.

"But how," Ivan asked. "I cannot do it alone. If I want a chance in making the world perfect I must first acquire the world, and no one can conquer the world on his own." His voice sounded hopeless, but his words had me concerned. I felt that my brother may have the wrong idea about making the world a perfect place under his rule, what he may consider perfect may be the opposite to other people. World conquest did not seem like the right answer, but I kept quiet not wanting to increase my brother's anger.

"You have us, your sisters, not to mention those damn Baltic States, and if you were able to obtain Lithuania, Poland would not be much harder to get as well, that damn fool seems to have some odd attachment to Lithuania, and without him, he is nothing more than an idiot, with that we can restart the Soviet Union, we can show those ally bastards just how scary we could have been so long ago, and then take the world for ours." Belarus said. I scared me how animated she got, Ivan and her used to talk about restarting the Soviet Union for a couple of years now, but have made no real progress, but it seemed that today they words were more serious, I could feel it in my gut, this was actually going to happen, they were actually going to do it.

"Really, you two will help me," Russia said he picked his head up and his anger left his face, there was the same happy smile that he always wore, and a hopeful shine resting in his lavender eyes. I stared back not sure what to say. I had not liked being in the Soviet Union the first time. In fact it scared me to see how many people we hurt, which was why I was one of the first people to leave the Soviet Union, at the beginning of its dissolution. I never really wanted to go back to that, and had never been as eager to rebuild as say my sister, or my brother, but I felt reluctant to tell Ivan no, I did not want to break the excitement and hope that was in his eyes, I did not want him to be seen as a bad guy, but I knew that his plan would do that, as well as hurting my new friends, I knew who would be one of his first victims, and I just did not want to see that happen to…_him_.

"Of course I will help," Belarus said. "I cannot think of a more perfect time in my life than when we were together, as one." Belarus' eyes sparkled as she began to think of how close she was to having that. "And if you married me then we could be together every day, and my entire life could be perfect."

"Ukraine will help too, da?" Russia asked looking at me and ignoring our youngest sister. I felt the pressure on me increase as both of them stared at me intently, awaiting my answer, I couldn't tell them no and break the spirits of my sweet little siblings, as much as both of them could scare me at times.

"Uh," I said reluctantly, I tried to look away from their stares and get the words out but I just couldn't when I tried to tell them how I really felt, I just ended up blurting out "I don't know." I knew why I didn't just say yes, _his_ face seemed to hang in mind as I thought of the attack we would lead against the world, and the many, many invasions.

Natalia laughed, and I felt a twinge of regret as I remembered that she was the only one that knew of my true feelings for the North American twins, I had told her, unable to keep the news to myself, though I don't know why I expected her to keep it a secret from Russia. She loved Russia; I doubted she would hide anything from Ivan, even if it meant that she would be throwing her own sister under the bus.

"The only reason why she won't join is because she is in love Canada. She told me herself," she said hugging Russia's arm and giving me a sly evil look, she knew I wanted to keep it a secret, but here she had knowingly betrayed me. I would never really understand her hatred for me, her sister. When she was younger she was not like this, she had loved me the best before, she even looked up to me, but now…now she hated me, and I had a feeling it had to do with her odd obsession with my brother. My eyes shifted to my brother, I had expected him to be angry at me, and to explode, to yell at me for betraying him and making friends with his enemies but he didn't get angry. Instead he slightly tilted his head and said "Canada? Who is Canada?" I had to fight the urge to either do a face palm, or to burst into a giggle fit, everyone seemed to forget who Matvey was, in the beginning I had even confused him and his brother, but after I started to develop feelings for him, I quickly learned how to tell the difference. Now without even hearing them speak I could tell the twins apart, from any distance.

"Vanya, Canada is America's brother!"Belarus shouted upset that her plan to get me trouble did not work, though she was the same way when it came to the twins at times, if the four of us ever hung out, which was extremely rare, she would continuously ask which twin was who.

"No, no, no," Russia said. "That is England!"

"No not him!" Natalia said frustrated as she was now arguing with him, "His other brother, his twin brother."

"What, no, Sealand and him look nothing alike," Russia said still confused. After a few minutes of arguing and Natalia nearly drawing out a picture for him, while going through the members England's family, Russia finally got it.

"Oh ok, the French one with the cute little polar bear," Ivan said recalling seeing him at the meetings, and even sitting on him once.

"Yes," I admitted. "That is him." I expected the delayed anger to come now that Russia had finally caught up, but instead he smiled, a happy look coming into his eyes.

"That is the man who holds my sister's heart?" he asked looking at me.

"Yes," I admitted again, confused. What was he getting at?

"And he is the reason you don't want to join?" he asked. "You are afraid of hurting him, da?" The hopeful sparkle returned to his eyes.

"Da," I answered still not following.

"But if there was a way that you could know that he would not get hurt then you would join, da?" he asked once again.

"Da, why what are you planning?" I asked tired of being confused. He hated America, and had just said he wanted to hurt America and the rest of his family, why was he not angry that I was in love with one the members of his family, why was he not yelling at me?

"I would like to make you an offer, then," he said. "I will not feel ok with attacking my big sister, it would hurt me after everything you have done for me, and I know that you will not want hurt this Canada guy, because you are in love with him, and I know that would hurt you, so how about this, if you join my union then I will not touch Canada, unless he tries to invade me directly. Then we will both be ok, da? You will not have to fight the one you love and I will not have to fight my sister."

I was still unsure what to do, I did not want to be tied down by this union once again, I wanted to be a free country, and I knew that would not be true with my brother, he could be very controlling at times, I did not give an answer for what seemed like years, but was mere minutes, then Russia spoke, trying to persuade me further.

"How about this then, either you join or Canada and America are the first targets on my list," he said the creepy dark smile now covering his lips.

"What?" I said now shocked. I felt the tears begin to make their way to my eyes; he was threatening me, had he not just said that he did not want to see me get hurt, then why was he attacking me like this? He knew I loved Canada, and he could see my reluctance with joining, why was he forcing this on me? Had he been lying when he said he cared? Did neither of my siblings really care for me?

He tried to look sorrowed and pained, but he couldn't hide the dark smile and evil look in his eyes. "I do not want to hurt you, but if this boy affects you so much then maybe I will have to get him out of the way, and then see how you feel about joining me." Natalia laughed at side, still hugging his arm, they both walked over to me, the two mirroring each other with the dark looks on their face, as they approached me, trying to get me to join, trying to get more land and power in their quest for this so called "perfect world". I knew their hearts were pure, I knew that their reasons for wanting this were good-hearted, but just the dark ways they wanted to carry it out, seem horrible. A perfect world should be achieved through love and happiness, not through guns and war. I knew it was wrong, but I also knew the possibility of what could happen if they were to try and take Canada and his land; he had the possibility of dying. Just like the Native American empires that Spain had killed so long ago, Canada could disappear into nothing more than just a memory. I knew it was selfish, and that I should have cared for the world more than him, but he was my world, I needed him, he was my heart and soul, my other half. I couldn't let his land disappear; I couldn't let him disappear into nothing but more Russia.

I sighed knowing that someday possibly in the near future, I would regret this idea entirely.

"Fine I will join," I said reluctantly.

Russia smiled genuinely happy.

"Yay," he said. Belarus looked up at him and saw that he was smiling and smiled as well. I was the only one who did not smile; I was the only one who really understood how grave this situation was.

"But…," I said calling their attention. "I want nothing to happen to Canada, if you even harm a hair on his head, I will not hesitate in joining their side, fighting against you." I tried to muster up some of the dark appearance that I had seen them perfect. I was not sure if it worked because Russia continued to smile, but Natalia looked at me suspiciously.

"I will do nothing to him, Systra, I promise," he said smiling happy at me. I turned away from them, trying to hide, my true fear, but after a few minutes I began to feel, guilty and hopeless knowing that I had sealed in the fates of my friends, and that they could now possibly die because of my brother. I got up from the couch, ignoring my siblings as they stared at me. I head for the door and quickly jumped into my car, I knew that seeing him would not make my guilt any better, but I had to. I need him to love me and comfort me. I needed a moment to be selfish before worrying about the well being of the rest of the world. I need to embrace him before he turned against me.

_**Alright a new story! Woo! This idea actually came into my mind a while ago and didn't seem to leave, so I decided to write it, though I am not sure where this story is headed, heh maybe I should have considered that before writing it but whatever. I'm sorry if I wrote Russia OOC I'm not really used to writing for Russia, but I tried to keep everyone in character as best I could. Also if you have read my other stories than you'll probably already know of my love of CanUkr, but if you have not then get ready to see a bunch of fluffy CanUkr scenes mixed in to this action packed story. And if you actually like CanUkr then check out some of my other stories *is shamelessly promoting herself and selling out* Also if you like the story (or if you didn't, I really don't mind **__**Constructive**__** criticism), or if you have a questions review, reviews (well good ones any way) inspire me to write more chapters! So if you want an update sooner rather than later then review!**_


	2. My Sorrow

**Chapter 2**

**My Sorrow**

I sat helplessly as Ivan gave all of the orders; he said he wanted to start as soon as he could. We were able to get the other pieces of the Soviet Union together no problem, all it took was a simple look from Belarus and a few words from Russia and Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were putty in our hands. Then Lithuania had to make a simple phone call to Poland, most of it with a knife to his neck, and then Poland also joined, though he was confused when he did. Now Russia was living out his dream and leading the first attack against America. I tried to get him to change his target at first, when he told us all of his plans, but I was quickly silenced when he mentioned our deal, I had to keep Canada safe, but I'm not sure how much longer I could protect him. America was my friends, and I knew that now my choices were making him suffer, but…I had to keep Matvey safe, I don't know what I would do without him.

Ivan told us that we would start by targeting his vital regions, we would hit Washington DC, New York, California, Texas, Arizona, and a bunch of others big cities. The guilt piled up as I imagined the pained my friend would be going through. All those people…they were all going to get hurt. None of them seemed to understand that. Russia and Belarus were more concerned with taking over the world that they were not thinking of the consequences of their actions, and the Baltic States were far too eyeing both Nat and Ivan with fear, that they did really notice anything. The only one who even looked like they had a clue was Poland.

Feliks and I had been great friends for years; it really started back when Russia had claimed half of him for the Soviet Union. I had felt bad for him; he was ruled by two opposing forces, with no real say in anything that happened in his own country. After seeing him sit there all depressed during most of the Soviet meetings I decided to go over and talk to him, at first he paid me no mind, but after a while we really started to get along. Then when the Soviet Union dissolved we were the first two to leave. Ever since our time in the Soviet Union we have stayed best friends and when I found out that he and Toris got together I felt so happy for them. Now however if felt like more a bad thing than a good thing, I know that Lithuania did not mean to chain Poland to something he hated, but it seemed that Poland, like me was forced to join because of love. We in this same boat in this one, forced to participate, only to keep the ones that we love from getting hurt, once again I found myself feeling sorry for this poor boy, once again both of us were trapped.

I walked over to where my best friend sat; ignoring my brother as he once again went over the attack plans.

He looked up at me, but did not smile the way he used to always, he just looked at the empty seat next to him, and I took that as an invitation. I sat in the seat and looked at him, he looked completely miserable.

"Heh," he said, "And they said that history couldn't repeat itself. I'd be surprised if this didn't end the same way it did before."

"If only it were still as easy to leave as it had been back then," I said.

"So how did they get you to join this sick union, I know you are smart enough to not think that it was a good idea to restart this killing circle, so what did they have to do to force you?" he asked looking up at me with hard cold eyes. He barely even seemed like the happy careless boy I'd known only so long ago.

"Same thing they did with you, they went for my boyfriend, in order to save him I had to join, now he is save and I am miserable," I told him, my voice echoing the same hopeless anger that his gave off.

"Boyfriend?" he asked, showing how out of contact we have really been the last couple of years. "Who is it? Estonia, Latvia…or did you beat Belarus to it and take Russia?"

I laughed, I wasn't surprised that out of my whole statement he had only heard the word boyfriend, that is just how Feliks was wired, that is what made him my best friend. "No, no," I said. "He isn't in the Union, thank god for that, I'm actually dating Canada, you know, America's twin brother."

"The one with the polar bear?" Poland asked. I was happy to see that my best friend was able to recognize my boyfriend, but it made me laugh to think that really everyone recognizes Kumajiro rather than his own.

"Yeah, that's him," I said.

"Oh," Poland said thinking. "He is cute, I guess, I like what he does with his hair." I expected Feliks to be a bit more enthusiastic, but I don't think he was able to be enthusiastic about anything at this point, he just looked depressed. I meant to ask how he was holding up when my brother interrupted me.

"Is that alright Systra?" Russia asked turning everyone's attention to me. I blushed a little, embarrassed I felt like I was in high school and the teacher had just asked me a question when I wasn't paying attention.

"Is what alright?" I asked not really prepared to just say yeah, and pretend I was paying attention, I didn't know what I would be agreeing to, for all I know he would be asking permission to attack Canada head on. I thought I saw Feliks smile a little at me side, and I elbowed him.

"We want to shoot off some of the missiles in your land, I want to split up where all the missiles are so that if America tries to fight back the missile will be split up, and harder to find," Russia said unaware of my embarrassment. I nodded unconcerned, as long as it was not me who was setting off the missiles I really didn't care, the world would eventually find out I was involved either way. "Alright then, the missiles will be moved to each of our countries as soon as possible, and then we will lead the attack tonight," Russia said concluding the meeting. Both Poland and I sighed as he realized what that would entail. Belarus and Russia just seemed excited, and the Baltics seemed relieved that they had survived the entire meeting. Poland left my side, only giving me a quick farewell glance, and then went to go join Lithuania, who looked in a rush to leave. I however got up slowly, the words Russia had said sinking in to my brain, like the toll of a funeral bell.

_**We will Lead the Attack Tonight**_

The words growing heavier than they were on the surface, my head seemed to fill with the screaming of the people that would be affected by this attack, and I saw my dear friend America looking at me, his clothes drenched with his own blood, and his eyes dead. I couldn't take it, I didn't want to see my friend, the picture seem to ache and ache and I tried to tell myself that it was because he was my friend, that is was because I was hoping he would one day be my brother-in-law, but I knew the truth. The only reason why the picture made my chest ache and made me short of breath was because he just looked so much like Canada. They were twins, they practically had the same face, I loved America, as a friend, but in reality, feeling that this attack could have been Canada as well just made me feel so tortured. I decided to go home, and attempt to calm myself

The entire ride back to my house I felt like my brain was turned off, I couldn't concentrate on anything, if I even tried thee picture of America seemed to find its way back in to my mind. When I had arrived home I tried and tried to keep myself busy by cleaning and cooking, but nothing worked. I just thought of how the missiles would be launched off soon, and how I had no way of stopping them, I felt so paranoid in my own home, it wasn't right. I couldn't stop myself from pacing and freaking out. I might have even screamed at something as simple as my doorbell ringing, I wasn't sure, I was too guilty and freaked out to even notice.

I quickly opened my door to see who was bothering me. It was Ivan.

"Oh hey Katsuyasha, I just came by to tell you that the missiles were in place, will set them off at 10 o'clock tonight."

"Alright thanks," I said perhaps too quickly, shutting my front door. I watched Russia threw my window; he looked a little confused but shrugged it off and then went back to his car. I stood there still freaked out, I just needed him to leave, I did not want to just sit here and wait for those missiles to launch all panicky, and there was no way I could stand being in my own country with those missiles still here. The second I saw Russia's car pull out of view I ran out of the house and jumped in to my own house. Most likely at a moment like this, I would probably go to either Poland's house or maybe my sister's, but I couldn't right now, I knew there would be missiles there too, so I went to the one place I knew I would feel safe. I knew there was a chance that he may be here, and that if he knew I was involved with hurting his brother, he would be really pissed at me, but I had to be with him, he made me feel safe.

It really sucked that Matthew lived so far away, by the time I got to his house, it was late, almost time for the bombing and stuff, but I tried to forget about that. I wasn't surprised to find that he wasn't home when I got there; the entire house was empty of life. Matthew actually had two houses in Canada, because of how big his country was, he had one that he lived in alone, and one that we shared as a couple. So I guess if he didn't come here, he wouldn't be too surprised to find me. I tried to relax myself and just take in his scent, the scent that made me feel so safe, but I couldn't, I was still pacing, after a few minutes I gave up and made my way to the bathroom to shower, I felt dirty, like my hands were stained with all of the blood of the people who were going to die. I turned on the water, and then stripped staring at myself in the mirror as the water heated up. My face looked so pale, my eyes looked so dead, I couldn't take it, I knew I was doing this to keep him safe, but was it worth losing my health over, I knew my answer within seconds, yes, yes it was, he was worth so much more.

When the water was warm enough I walked into the shower not evening minding as the too hot water burned my pale skin turning it pink. I stayed in the shower for a while, trying to feel comfort in the hot licks of the warm water, I waited until my skin began to wrinkle with all the water to get, when I got out looked quickly at the clock that hug on the wall across the room. 10:30. I couldn't even look at myself if in the mirror as I walked past it to get a towel. I hurried out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, looking for the spare pair of clothes I kept here. I felt tears fall down my cheeks as the screams once again filled my head. The guilt seemed to hammer harder and harder with the beat of my heart. I felt like I could hear the explosions in the distance. As I quickly got dressed I began to get dizzy as all the emotions fought inside of me, I felt like I might pass out, at one point I thought my head might explode when I was distracted by sounds coming from the living room. I walked over, now in my pajamas, to investigate. I heard as the lock turned and the door opened. To my relief Canada walked in, his hair a mess and his face looking troubled, he looked up to see me standing there and his face frowned with anger. I knew he knew what had happened to his brother, and thee guilt began to eat me from the inside once again.

"How could you?" he asked. I felt myself die inside. I wanted to tell him that I had to, that if I didn't then they would kill him, but I couldn't I knew what would happen if I did, if I told him the truth he would make me quit the union, he would tell me he could handle himself, but I knew he couldn't I knew what would happen if I let them hurt him. I had to stay in the Union, for him!

I didn't say anything as I felt the tears return to my eyes. "I-I'm sorry," I stuttered out. I saw his face soften, he could never stand seeing me cry. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me, he was comforting me? Why? He knew what happened; he knew what I did to his brother, why was he comforting me?

"I know you Ukraine, I know you wouldn't want to hurt Al, he is your friend, but how could you just sit there and watch your siblings hurt him?" he asked me, his voice was soft but I heard anger and hurt in his words.

"I'm…sorry," I cried still not able to find an answer to tell him.

"The missiles that hit, they had the Soviet Union emblem on them, I know that you told me before, that you hated being in the Soviet Union, but how could you just let them attack America like that? I know they probably forced you to join, because I know you, and I know you wouldn't join on your own, but why didn't you fight? Why?" He was crying now too, and I could hear in his words that he was no longer asking me, but just asking fate. I hugged him back, trying to comfort him to, despite the guilt that seemed to grow with every tear he cried, he stood like this for a few minutes, until he pulled away, he was done cry.

"I have to go," he said, his voice sounding almost dead. I knew it was wrong but I winced at his words, I knew I had caused his pain but I wanted him here, with me, I wanted him to stay. He forced a smile when he saw my disappointment. "I have to go take care of Al," he said his smile falling. "He is in really bad shape, he keeps coughing up blood." I frowned, the tears coming back to my eyes.

"Is he going to…" I sobbed, I couldn't finish the sentence.

Matvey seemed to understand what I was saying though. "It…doesn't look well. England says he will be fine but…" Matthew let the sentence trail off. He also did not want to consider the possibility that his brother could be dying. I felt my heart break right there as I saw Matvey wander around the room grabbing a few things, before leaving; I saw that he also left a frightened looking Kumajiro here. I took the cub in my arms, glad to have someone here with me, and then walked back to the bedroom.

The entire night I did not sleep, I didn't even get in the bed; I just sat there on the edge, stroking Kumajiro's. Deep down inside something told me, he was not going to make it.


	3. My Mistake

**Chapter 3**

**My Mistake**

America's Funeral was very sad and extremely well done. Almost every nation was there, and most of them seemed like they really cared, and were deeply upset by the loss of their dear friend. At first I had not wanted to go, I felt like I had some responsibility for the blame of America's death, but it was Canada who finally convinced me. Later that night, around 5 or 6, Matvey finally came home, waking me up from my trance. He stumbled in to the bedroom, his face looking completely blank, and his eyes filled with a grey depression.

"Kat…" he whispered as he walked to where I sat on the bed. "Kat… A-Al, Alfred died, m-my brother is dead…" I stopped him in his tracks and wrapped my arms around him, comforting him.

"I'm…I'm so sorry," I said to him, stroking his back. "I'm…so, so sorry." I couldn't fathom how much guilt I felt inside. I couldn't describe how much I hated myself for making him feel this much pain. "If…you want, I can …go home." I knew he had to hate me right now, there had to be some part of him that knew all of this was my fault. I didn't want to cause him anymore grief or pain, so maybe if I just left him alone…he would find some way to forgive me, even though most of that sounded absolutely impossible. I moved to unwrap myself from around him, but his reaction caused me to stop.

"No! No! Please don't go! I have already lost my brother; I don't want to lose you too! Don't go, just please, stay here with me; I don't want to be alone!" As he shouted he grabbed me tightly in his arms and buried his face in my neck and shoulder. I felt as his tears from his face on to my skin. He held me there, and I wrapped my arms back around him, letting him feel my embrace, trying to give him the little bits of strength I still had. I felt as his body began to tremble with his sobs, and I hugged him closer, I needed to heal some of the pain he felt, it was the least I could do for him. We stood like this for what seemed like hours, until eventually, he ran out of tears to cry. His legs began to sway as his night of sleeplessness began to catch up with him. I released my embrace but stayed close to him, I looked in to his face. His wonderful violet eyes seemed to be almost grey with all the exhaustion and depression in them.

"C'mon," I whispered as I lead him to the bed. He followed, he looked helpless, as if he had no hope in anything anymore, after all, his twin brother, his other half, was now dead.

I helped him into the bed, and then climbed in next to him. I kept close to him, and felt as once again he locked his arms around me. I sat there stroking his arm, listening to his breathing waiting for one of us to fall asleep, but sleep never caught up with us, we just laid there doing the one thing we really didn't want to do at this point, thinking. As much as we tried to have a blank, clear mind, the though always seemed to be able to sneak up on us. After a few hours light began to flow into the room through the windows, showing that daytime was now upon us.

"I…I…need to go make a few phone call, let everyone know what happened to…A-America," he said, his voice still emotionless. I nodded and let him get up; I heard him shuffle off to the kitchen and laid there in the bed for a few moments before the guilt finally returned to me. I decided I need something to distract me, so I got up as well and followed Matvey to the kitchen and started making breakfast, I knew he needed to get his strength back and part of that included eating a good meal, maybe a bit of food in his stomach would make him feel a tiny bit better.

* * *

><p>The funeral was scheduled to be a few days later, all of the nations were invited, except for the ones that were suspected to be involved in Alfred's murder meaning most of the Soviet Union, only Lithuania, Poland and I were able to attend it, mostly because Poland and Lithuania had ties with America, before their involvement in the Soviet Union. I didn't want to go, although America and I had become great friends I felt almost like my presence there was unwanted, but Canada, he was still so depressed from his brother's death, and he stilled seemed so fragile and frail that I couldn't bear to leave him. I knew it would be difficult for him to do this on his own, for him to finally come to terms that his brother had really died. I came to support him, I knew it wasn't right of me, but I wanted him to know that he had someone here for him. I wanted him to find comfort inside me.<p>

The funeral was very beautiful; it was something Al really deserved, before the actual burial we were able to see Mr. America one last time. Many of the nations stop and paid their final respects, some said a few last words and others put something in his coffin to show their sorrows and love for Mr. America. Mr. Japan for example laid a brand new gold katana next to America's side, showing that Mr. Japan and Mr. America were great friends. Others like Germany and France laid a simple flower for him, German a cornflower as blue as Alfred's eyes and France a lovely French tulip. England who was in tears the entire time laid the musket he used in the Revolutionary war into the coffin, across America's body as if he were holding it. While everyone placed something precious in to the coffin, it was Canada who laid something truly meaningful on America.

"Look at you Al," He whispered when he had finally reached his brother. "It would have taken a lot of convincing to get you to wear a suit and tie this nice, yet here you are, lying here peacefully. You would never approve of this, so maybe you need something a bit more your style." He laid America's famous bomber jacket on top of him. "I wanted to keep it, to remember you by, but it looks like right now you need it more than I do. I want you to know…that …I'm not going to let your death just be forgotten, I am going to find out who did this to you, and I am going to make them pay!" He left Al after that, tears beginning to fall from his eyes. Shortly after this was done a few nations came up to the podium to say a few words about Alfred and even share a few memories they had with this beloved nation. To my surprise though, Canada refused the chance to speak and there in his seat gazing at the coffin. When everyone was finished they showed a slideshow of pictures of Alfred ranging from pictures of him as a child, and pictures that looked as if they were taken only a few days ago. There was a small band that came and during the slideshow they played a number of America's national songs: God Bless America, My Country 'Tis of thee, The Star Spangled Banner, God Bless the USA, America The Beautiful, Yankee Doodle, Battle Hymn of the Republic, any song people have associated with the country of America was played during the ceremony, until they finally ran out of pictures to use. Then the ceremony was moved outside, to the graveyard. We all watched as four American soldiers carried out America's coffin. A wonderful maple and oak blended casket that was lined in pure gold, it was wrapped in a beautiful American flag; the same way they had it during a soldier's funeral. Before descending the coffin in to the earth, they dumped a number of different flowers into the grave, filling it with red white and blue petals. As the coffin was placed, there was the traditional firing of the guns, and the band now outside, played the traditional song. Many nations cried as they watched their long friend put to an eternal sleep. Canada cried, the same way he had these last few day, Italy cried clutching on to Germany, while he said a prayer, a rosary visible is his hand, England was completely sobbing at this point and even attempted to dive in to the grave with America's coffin, but France held him back. For once I found myself at a loss of tears. I hugged Canada at my side, and he squeezed me in arms, trying to hide his tears. I felt like my innocence and humanity were buried along with Mr. America's body. I knew now that I wasn't the same person anymore.


	4. My Destiny

**Chapter 4**

**My Destiny **

**Russia's POV**

I smiled as I watched the footage taken from America's funeral it worked all too well, the missiles hit all vital areas, all areas with high population, and big cities, poor America had no chance of surviving. Alfred had always been a nice guy, maybe a little too cocky, and self-centered, but a nice guy, the only thing was, there was no place in this world for nice guys. It was either kill or be killed. And to be honest I couldn't say I was sorry to see America pass, he was just another body in my way, another person standing in front of my goals, I just wanted the world to be a happy peaceful place, and I knew with Alfred here they would never ever listen to me. He would never want to work with a "commie bastard". Both he and I were the world's strongest powers, if he didn't agree with what I wanted it, it would become impossible to go on with my plans, but now that he was out of the way, now that his land was mine, it would be simple; all I had to do was talk to the other nations, they would see things my way, they would work to make the world a better place, they would work with me and we would all be happy, there would be no need for war and weapons because we would all be happy! Belarus was sitting next to me, she watched the TV, her eyes glued to the screen, and I thought I saw sadness in them.

"What, you don't feel sorry about what we did do you? You know that was all part of the plan, this is what had to be done to maintain peace we needed to kill him!" I shouted at her, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her, she looked scared and sad. Was she against me too then, was she not as strong as I thought she was?

"No, no Vanya, that's not it, I love your place, I'm not sorry, I'm just… I'm disappointed, look, Systra is there!" she said pointing out Ukraine in the crowd of mourners.

"That is because she is weak, she does not believe in our plans, she does not believe in the peace we are working so hard to achieve, she would rather have her sweet, precious love than a world with no fighting, she would be no use to us if it weren't for her land and money, I have no doubt in my mind that one day she will leave us, betray us, she does not love her family, she loves her precious Canada, that is fine, because if she ever tries to leave us, if she ever help their side, if she ever works against us, we will kill him, and she will see just how murderous this world is," I smiled brightly as my plans loomed in front of me, the golden peaceful world I had dreamed of was right in front of me, I could almost reach it, I could almost taste it, the taste of peace and happiness, the taste of sweet blood and rust, nothing good could ever be made without a bit of bloodshed.

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><p><strong>Ukraine's POV<strong>

I saw a field in front of me, a field of white flowers, so pretty and innocent, there was a man there, though I guess you could hardly call him a man, more like an angel, white feathers like those of a dove rained from the sky, those same feathers were also strapped to his back, in the form of glorious beautiful wings, his pale white skin seemed to shine in the sun and his pretty wheat hair looked more like gold as the sun hit it just the right way, and his eyes looked like wonderful sapphires, they were beautiful, he was beautiful. It was hard for me to say that I did not know him, and I would be lying if I said I had not known him, when he had been of this world he was actually a close friend of mine, Mr. America, or Alfred F. Jones as other nations had called him. He was no longer the man that all of the nations remembered him as, he was now a glorious angel, living in heaven, simply watching all of us, I imagined him looking over me, the woman who had assisted his killers and still had the nerve to call him friend, and rather than having a look of disgust and anger, he had a loving, understanding look, and what I thought was sympathy in his eyes. I knew that he saw me up from where ever he was, and he knew that it was not my fault that this happened, after that my dreamed just seemed to drift off into peaceful blankness, I was able to sleep easy, and it seemed like a weight was lifted off my chest, I felt that I was no longer to blame for the death of my friend, I still felt sad to see him leave this world, but it felt nice to know that on some level, he forgave me, I promise him I will fix this, I will find a way to make this right!

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><p><strong>Russia's POV<strong>

"They what?" I shouted as Lithuania stood shaking in front of me. I slammed my fist against the table in front of me. I paced back and forth as I snatched the paper from his hands.

_Dear Nations of the Soviet Union,_

_The Nations of NATO are here to present a warning, it has come to our attention that you attacked the nation without any provocation, and then proceeded to take the land of said nation at the time of his expire, it seems that there is no way to return this nation to the life he once lived, but we are giving only this warning to return his land to his people or else we will be forced to get involved. Failure to do so within a timely manner may result in action from other nations such as invasion, attacks and the declaration of war. This will be your only warning_

_Hopefully,_

_NATO_

I clenched the paper in my before crumbling it up into a ball and tossing it across the room. "Why are they such idiots? Can't they see what we are trying to do, that we are trying to bring a world of peace? Why are they striking against us? They should be applauding us! We are taking a stand, more of a stand than they ever took! Why don't they want to make the world peaceful? Why don't they want to stop all the death and destruction that goes on in the world?" I shouted dropping my head in my hands. Belarus walked to my side and hugged my arm, Ukraine glanced over at me.

"Vanya… are you sure that killing America was the best way to prove to them that you wanted to work towards making a peaceful world… don't you think they maybe got the wrong idea…" she said, I glared at her and walked over to where she sat, without think I whipped my hand threw the air and it hit her right across the face, she fell to the ground, tears in her eyes as she cupped the place where I hit her, she said nothing, Poland walked over to where she laid and helped her up.

"Don't you ever say that, you of all people should know how much I want this, how much we need this, I will do anything I need to do to get this perfect world, anything I need to! America did not die in vain, he died for a cause, and though he has no right to be, I am sure he would be happy knowing that! After what happened to our parents… after you had to raise us all by yourself, how can you just accept a world like this?" I shouted at her.

"Vanya, I think the world should be peaceful too but…" she started before I cut her off.

"No you don't, you don't care if things stay the way they are right now, as long as you're precious boyfriend is safe, you don't care at all! You are worthless to me!" I grabbed her collar and threw her again. She let out a quiet yelp but other than that said nothing.

Poland stood up and glared at me. "What is like wrong with you? You want a peaceful world, but you can only achieve it with more death and destruction! You killed a nation for like no reason at all, how can this be right to you? How can you hurt people with no remorse? Now you are even hurting people in your own family, on your own team, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Feliks shut your mouth before he kills you!" Lithuania ordered behind me, Poland just glared at his boyfriend but stood his ground. I smiled at Poland as I took a step towards him, he flinched.

"What are you going to like attack me too now? Go ahead, but that still won't change how totally un-cool what you are doing is, you can go on killing sprees all you want, it won't change the way the world is!" he shouted at me again, my smile fell, and for one in my life I felt like his words had actually hit me, they stung, and while I hated to admit that someone like him could make me doubt myself it finally happened, I turned my back on him, too disgusted to even look at him. Was I doing the wrong thing? Would this plan actually work? Was I making everything worse?

"Feliks…" Lithuania warned him.

"No Toris, I will not back down, not know," I heard him as he helped my sister up making sure she was alright, I started walking out of the room, and Belarus ran to my side.

"Don't let them bother you, big brother. They don't know the price that must be paid for this flawed world to be fixed.

"And you do," I said turning on her. "Or are you just siding with me because you want to marry me? You don't get it either!" I shouted pushing her

"N-no, that's not true, I love you, more than anything, and I believe in you, I know that what you are doing is right, that is why I am standing with you, I believe in you…" Tears filled her eyes; please… please don't leave me… brother…" I looked at her, I knew this was all an act that she was not serious, but I wasn't ready to just go about this by myself, I needed someone with me, especially with NATO after me now, I took her in my arms. If she was all I had at this moment, I needed to make sure she would not betray be like Ukraine, I needed a way of insuring she would never leave me for the alliance that was now against me, and I was lucky it was Natalia I was talking to, because I knew the perfect way to her heart. I pulled her close and put my lips at her ear.

"I promise," I whispered in her ear. "If we succeed, if we make this world a perfect place, I will marry you just as you always wanted…" I heard her gasp and her cheeks blushed, I could hear their heat.

"R-really… you will be mine, all mine?" she asked. I smiled as she took my bait.

"Yes, I will marry you and we will be together forever, as one," I whispered. I did not feel guilty for lying to her, she would understand that I was just doing what I had to, and when the world was perfect she wouldn't even care, she would be too happy too care, I felt tears of happiness fall from her eyes and she took in my false promises, and I imagined seeing them when our plans were complete, seeing her cry with happiness at how well everyone got along, she would be so happy and peaceful, far from the crazy behavior she had now, she would just be normal, and she wouldn't need me to make her happy, she would understand…


	5. My Nightmare

**Chapter 5**

**My Nightmare**

**Belarus' POV**

"Bella~ Bella~" I heard the voice call in my dream. "Bella~ you look beautiful today, Natalia, like always," the voice said, in the bright happy voice he always did.

"Go away," I shouted in my dream. "I did what I had to do! I was just following orders! I just want to help brother fulfill all his wishes and dreams, you were in the way, it as simple as that! Don't you try and guilt me into anything! You're not real you're dead!"

I heard his laugh, his stupid, stupid laugh. "You look really pretty with your hair out of your face, you know, because it shows of your beautiful eyes," he said, his words echoing another memory I had. I couldn't let him invade my mind and make me feel bad about this! So what it didn't matter if he was nice to me, Brother hated him, and that was all the reason I needed, I felt nothing for America! Nothing! So then…why was his voice haunting me? I cared nothing for him…he may have been my friend once, but now…he was just another person who was going to get in the way of the plan! Big brother's plan!

"I've missed having you Natalia; it's been like forever since you've visited me!" America's voice echoed again. It seemed with each sweet memory of him my heart hurt more, but why? It's not like I love him or anything, no! I love Russia, Russia! ... Then why did you feel so bad when you were watching his funeral, why did you feel like you gut might explode because of what you were feeling. It was just disgust, disgust that they would go through so much trouble for a stupid idiot, and it is because sister was there, she was with us, she helped kill him and she was there! That is why my gut hurt so much that is why I looked sad. ….Stop lying to yourself Natalia, my voice of reason spoke, it wasn't it was guilt, this man was your friend, this man loved you and you killed him!

"Natalia…do you like me? Like…like how I like you…?" The memory of America said echoing my thoughts.

"He loved you and you stood there and watched him die! You let them kill him all because you wanted to deny your little crush! You liked him, but you didn't want to say it because you knew it would make Big Brother mad. He would be furious to know that his little sister actually liked the man he wanted to kill so much, and it would kill all possibilities of you and Big Brother being together, becoming one. But that's not what you really wanted is it, you had no parents, your sister was too busy taking care of the family to love you, Russia was really the only one who cared for you and spent time with you wasn't he, and then you believed that was true love, that that was enough reason to be with him. It's alright to love your brother," my inner voice said. "However you are mixing up the two kinds of love you feel, of course you love your sibling…but it wasn't the same way you loved America…."

No! No, that's not true! I argued back to the voice, but it was no use, how could I ague with myself, there was no point, of course I knew how I felt of course I knew America was my friend.

He was your friend and you let him die….

Some friend you are…..

He was so nice to me. Every time he saw me he was so nice, and sweet.

"You look beautiful today Natalia, like always," the memory echoed. "You look really pretty with your hair out of your face, you know, because it shows of your beautiful eyes," The memory echoed again.

You love him, you love him, you loved him, and you will still love him, you always live the guilt of killing the man that you loved.

He was the first man to love you, to want to make you happy and now you've gone and kill him.

You couldn't admit that you loved him, you were too afraid and now because of your silly fear he is dead!

Dead

He can never come back…

No! No! Stop saying that! I didn't mean to, I didn't want to hurt him!

You didn't stop them, you had a chance, but you didn't want to get in the way of Russia's plans. You didn't want Russia to look at you the same way he looks at Ukraine. The way he doesn't trust her, you wanted to be close to him, and by not saying anything you did just that, he trusts you, or at least he does for now. But still, you should ask yourself one question.

Was it worth it?

Was getting close to your brother really worth watching the man who loved you unconditionally die?

No…no…it wasn't…I have been so dumb, I thought, I felt my eyes tear up, but still I was trapped in this sleep like state.

"You're so beautiful Natalia," the memories continued. "You shouldn't cry…it's not right. I don't want you to be upset, you are too gorgeous," his voice said. The sobbing in my chest got worse as I realized that was one of the last things I heard him say to me before he died. He was as sweet as ever, he knew I loved Russia yet he tried so hard to make me happy and comfort me, even though he knew there was no chance we would get together…. DAMMIT WHY WAS HE SO NICE TO ME?

"I love you Belarus," he said, and I could see him in front of me he looked like a ghost, I could practically see right through, yet he stood there smiling and blushing slightly they way he always did. I wanted to hug him, I wanted to apologize I wanted to do anything I could to express how sorry I was but just as quickly the image of him appeared the moment just faded away, I watched as his image, as heavenly as ever just melted away

You killed him the voice said. I closed my eyes, standing in the darkness and tries as hard as I could to just make everything stop. The words seemed to echo in my empty thoughts.

You killed him

You killed him

You killed him

I tried as hard as I could to silence them 'go away go away go away!' I thought furiously, and I felt relief as the echoing finally began to fade, and before I knew it I was laying in what seemed to be my room. I sat up on my bed and looked around. I was safe…. I rolled over on my bed, trying to get comfortable, when I noticed there was someone else in my bed. I slowly pulled the blanket back to see what it was.

My bloodcurdling screams filled the night as I stared to face with my one true nightmare laid in bed with me. I stared astonished as I saw America's body laying next to me, eyes blank and white, blood covered and bones showing, I jumped out of bed, still screaming and fell on to the floor, crawling away from the horrifying sight, as I got to the other side of the room, I tried to stand up, I sat on the floor, burying my face in my knees sobbing harder than I ever had before.

Russia ran in armed with a gun; he flipped on my lights and looked at me. "Natalia, what's wrong?"

"M-my…m-my bed," was all I was able to get out. Russia ran over to my bed and threw back the covers. "Systra, there is nothing here," he said. I looked over and saw everything looking completely normal. No dead bodies in sight, not ever a small piece of fabric or drop of blood to even prove that he had been, there, nope just a simple normal bedroom.

Russia walked over to me. "Are you alright Systra…y-you're shaking, da…" he said.

"I-I-I guess I just had a nightmare, I'm sorry for waking you," I told him, still startled and shaking.

"Do you want me to stay Systra," he asked. I shook my head.

"N-no," I said. "I want to be alone right now," I said still sick to my stomach.

"Alright," he said nodding and he left, closing the door behind him. I sat there sobbing, my entire body shaking.

"Wow, someone is a little jumpy today, huh?" the voice said, sitting next to me. My entire core froze and I didn't make a single noise or sound. I knew that voice…. No it couldn't possibly be that voice, it was impossible, he's dead, he's suppose to be dead! That can't be his voice that I am hearing right now. There is no possible way! It can't be him!

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><p><em><strong>There Liondancer17! You happy I added in Belame just for you! Or was this not spelling out enough for you!<strong>_

_**I'm joking, I love Liondancer17, she is one of my best friends, well when she is going on about no Belame in my story she is, but any who, because she felt there wasn't enough she wrote her own, squeal-ish thing about this story, it's called **__**If You Only Knew How Much I Loved You**__** . It's really good so far, I definitely recommend it~! It's really good~! Basically it's the first few chapters in Belarus' POV, I figured since she wrote it about this story I would give you guys a heads up about it. The first chapter she has up of it actually inspired this one, I stole a few quotes from but I don't think she'll mind**_

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><p><em><strong>Anyway that's not the only announcement I have, I know I never update this enough anyway…but I am going on vacation, so story production will be a little slow, but I will try to get chapters out, *chibi sad face* don't forget about me~!<strong>_

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><p><em><strong>Also, I know you guys probably hate being bothered by me, but another thing that helped inspire this chapter is the song <strong>__**Okay I feel better now**__** by AFI, I am a HUGE AFI fan, so if you have time look it up~!**_

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><p><em><strong>Well, that's it that's all I will bother you with…<strong>_

_**Please review~!**_


	6. My Tears

**Chapter 6**

**Lithuania's POV**

It was happening again…. The first time Russia had annexed me, many of my people were sent away to camps, and it was happening again. I shivered as I felt that terrible feeling again. I couldn't sleep for fear that when I closed my eyes I would see those terrible sights again, my people; die hard loyal Lithuanians, being treated like cattle, pulled off from their homes, by cruel NKVD officers. They were pulled from their homes, mostly for silly reasons, and taken to camps all across Russia where they are monitored. I felt their pain, I cried their tears but as much as I tried I couldn't stop it, if I even suggested to stop it to Russia he would end up killing me, and with me dead, what would they be left with? More Russia? That would only be even worse for them. Hundreds of my loyal citizens were being carried off from their houses, with only a little time to collect their things, then they are thrown in to the back of trucks used to transport live stock, and finally tossed into a crowded train, with only a small hole the size of the a plate in the floorboards where they were supposed to go to the bathroom and stuff. Woman and children being threatened with guns, and innocent men killed for next to nothing. I saw the sight of the elderly, who were treasured in Lithuania, being thrown off the back of trucks, piles of dead bodies littering the area around the railroad track, women being pulled off from hospitals after only minutes after giving birth. The newborn child sent to live in the life of captivity, sentenced to be treated like an animal before it can even talk. Why, because Russia believed they knew too much, and was afraid of a revolution. My people I felt it, I felt all of it. I heard their voices as the rode away in the trains, going to Moscow or Siberia, I heard them and I cried with them. I stood with the strong souls as they continued to move through the trains, crowded with people from all over my country, they looked hopeless as they went believing they would die, yet they continued to sit together and while holding hands sing the nation anthem till they broken with sobs. I felt my heart break with every word and I woke up in the middle of the night, crying as I felt their pain, I wanted to save them, I didn't want them to go through this again, but it was no use, I just wasn't strong enough. I couldn't beat that stupid bastard! He pulled away my women and their children and weak elderly in trains labeled Thieves and Prostitutes! I hated it for it, every person pulled from me, every NKVD officer allowed to enter my country, every house abandoned, ever person killed or beaten, it was like a poison in my veins that sucked away my soul. Every day I would see more and more terror in Poland's eyes as he looked at me, I was losing weight, my hair and eyes were losing color, my mind seemed to be distant and I looked pale, or at least this is what my boyfriend told me. He was so, so worried about me, but I had nothing I could do for him, I couldn't help him, and I couldn't help the people who lived in my country and needed my help the most. I couldn't help anyone because I was to week. As I continued to become emptier and emptier, I began to think. What was I even worth anymore? I was a useless country who couldn't even put up enough of a fight to help his people, I was nothing.

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><p><strong>Ukraine's POV<strong>

We were all called into a meeting by Russia, the next day and all of us looked still pretty shaken. It looked as if Russia was the only one who had gotten a decent night sleep. He was the only one who would be able to kill someone and just walk away from it like nothing. All the Baltic States sat in their seats and looked sickly pale; Latvia's eyes looked empty and blank. I felt bad for that poor boy; a child should not have to see such things happening. Estonia simply stared at his paperwork in front of him trying to distract himself from the madness happening around him. Lithuania seemed to be shaking and sitting with Poland, gripping his hand for dear life. He looked so empty I almost wanted to cry. I felt terrible for my old friend. Poland for once look incredibly serious, his clothes dull, not full of color and life-like what he usually wore, he just sat there rubbing his boyfriend's back, he looked completely out of it. We all waited for Russia and Belarus to join us in silence. No one said a single word but it was clear that we were all thinking about. America, was dead, who was going to be next?

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><p>Russia and Belarus joined us a few minutes later, and I was surprised to see what state Natalia was in. Normally she would be at Ivan's side 247, but today, she gave him some distance, she walked in slowly behind him and she looked absolutely terrible. She had dark, heavy bags underneath her eyes, which were wrinkled with stress and exhaustion. She looked like hell. Her hair was a knotted mess, it didn't even look like she even brushed it, and she wasn't wearing her usual bow, but then again that could have been lost in the mess of hair, she looked really shaken, I really wanted to go to her and talk about it but Russia cut me off by starting the meeting. I counted the minutes till the meeting was over.

Russia began to talk about our new plans of action. He was very upset with the message of the UN and was looking to show them that he was serious, the rest of us however were not too excited about this plan. The first countries he wanted to hit were England so he could start making his way to Europe so he could "spread his plans for peace" or whatever. He went on to explain ideas he had in detail, but as I glanced around it didn't seem like anyone else was listening. Once again Belarus looked weird. She usually hung on every word Russia said when he was talking, and she would joyfully agree, with anything he suggested, but even she was out of it, she didn't even pretend like she was paying attention, like me or Estonia, but she looked…like almost dead, it was so sad.

Russia called us back to attention by very angrily clearing his throat. We turned our attention back to him and continued to pretend to watch, though out of the corner of my eye I swore I saw Lithuania glancing over at Belarus now and then. I was reminded about how Toris used to have a crush on her, and she very brutally rejected him. This was before he found Poland, I think even though she broke his poor heart he couldn't help but care for her, he had always had such a kind heart. Then again I doubt anyone could not feel bad for her and not want to take care of her with such a wreck she looked like now. I didn't mean that in a mean way, of course not, she was my sister even if she never liked me, I would always care for her as if she were the little girl I had raised since she was a little girl, but she really didn't look well and the mother inside me just wanted to reach out and help her my poor, poor sister, brother and his stupid Union was messing with her head too. He needed to stop this! He was hurting people! He needs to grow up and just stop this! I wanted to tell him what was on my mind, but I knew if I said a single word against him, his next target would be exactly north of America, and he wouldn't just stop that, he would hurt all the rest of the friends I've made, and then finally as I watch them all brutally die just as brother had planned, he would finally move on to me, he wouldn't spare any one, he would just do his best to make me suffer for going against him, for going against family.

"I think England is our best bet, it is not exactly on Europe land yet, and I was thinking we might have an advantage taking them down, we need to spread the word of peace by taking over powerful, recognized countries and making them into our examples, da?" Russia explained. "You probably do know, the IRA, is not very happy with England, even after all these years, Southern Ireland still holds a grudge with The United kingdom, for taking her brother, I promise you that we can use this to recruit an Ally, she may not be a member of the Union, but we can surely convince her to help us and join our quest for equality and peace, and once her and her brother are reunited, they will be in debt to us, and that is how we will continue to gain land. I am willing to take the world be force if I need too, as long as the message gets through!" He shouted, and this worried me, I knew without a doubt that his plan would succeed, but I doubted that England and perhaps Scotland would fight back, and that would lead to human death and then possibly end in more death of countries. The death, of very close friends of mine, I don't know if I could handle it again. I was about to open my mouth to protest or maybe suggest something else when a scream filled the room. We all turned and stared at Belarus.

"Ah! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" she screamed. She put her hands over her ears gripping her head. "I'm sorry, alright, I'm sorry, just please, shut up and stop this torture!" she ran out of the room. I stood up to follow her, completely bewildered by her sudden outburst, but as I got up I locked eyes with Russia.

"Brother, what is wrong with her?! What happened to Systra," I demanded. He looked at me.

"I don't know she seemed fine!" he said back. I glared at him. She seemed fine?! She seemed fine?! She was a complete wreck! Anyone could tell that with one look at her, but he dared to say that he didn't notice anything?!

"Don't you see what this is doing?! America was our friend, it didn't matter that you didn't like him! We all cared about him and you killed him! See what all this stress and guilt has done to our own sister?! She has just about lost her mind, and every day I feel like I am closer to losing mine everyday! This is wrong, and it needs to stop, and I can tell you the rest of us feel the same way, we are all just too afraid to say anything because you can kill us just as easily! I've had enough Ivan, it is time to stop!

He turned his back to me and gripped his head as if he had a headache, I saw him shaking and I thought that was possibly anger, possibly even the guilt finally getting to him, but we were all surprised to hear his body erupt with laughter. He turned to us with a huge smile on his face, it seemed to be even more creeper than it usually was, if that was even possible; his lavender eyes were glowing in a way that seemed impossible.

"You think you all can just leave, you can just get out of it, or even shut it down, da?! Ha, you are all as stupid as I thought!" He moved his sleeve to show a silver metal cylinder in his hand with a red button on the top. "I'm not stupid to get into this without insurance, sure you can leave now, you can turn your back on me and try to help the enemy, and if you do…I'll press this button that will send of the same type of missiles that killed America, to your land, where they will hit all the vital areas and kill you within minutes! Oh and, Systra…I have missiles aimed at Ottawa, Vancouver, Toronto, Halifax and all the rest of big cities existing in you precious boyfriend as well, so fear not, you will have company with you when you go to hell!" He erupted into evil sounding laughter again and I felt my knees beginning to shake. No, what could we do…he had out played us…we were left with no hope….

We had to stay.


	7. My Guilt

**Chapter 7**

**Ukraine's POV**

I remembered this feeling well, the feeling that you were trapped, shackled to a fate you didn't want. Another feeling that filled me and poked at a distant memory was the emptiness. I felt as my people, the precious patriots of my country were once again moved to the labor camps along with Estonians, Latvians Lithuanians and the Polish; we were being punished for speaking against him. My sister was the only one who stayed by Brother's side, but even she seemed unsure. She seemed to be off in her own a lot, I found her staring off into space a lot, sometimes in the silence of the night I heard her talk to herself, sometimes even yell, most nights she ended up crying herself to sleep. I tried to talk to her, I asked her what was wrong, if she was having nightmares about Russia, but she would just mutter "I loved him…I loved him." I wasn't sure who she was talking about but I decided that even she was beginning to fear Brother, which may be why her sudden obsession ended.

Every now and then I tried to call Canada, he was usually my emotional rock, he kept me from breaking, he kept me steady, but as much as I tried to call, he never answered, I texted him but I never got a message back, I guess I could understand why. News had spread about the Soviet Union, I killed his brother, and I could see why he would hate me. I just needed him, I wanted to tell him everything, tell him my hands were tied, and that the only reason I was still in this stupid Union was because I was protecting him, but I couldn't. I knew if I told him or anyone else what was going on here, he would kill me, Canada and maybe even The Baltics and Poland. Russia was trying to keep all the labor camps a secret to keep anyone from finding out that were all prisoners here; he didn't want everyone to know he was the master mind behind all this.

We all piled into the meeting room once again all of us looking empty, emotionless, like zombies. I could see from the look on everyone's face that Russia was the only one who was sleeping soundly. He had a huge smile on his face when he entered the room. I looked over at Belarus who was sitting in her usual spot. She looked so pale and frail, like a delicate doll. She looked sick and her eyes told me it was awhile since she had slept, she looked weak which was very different for her…and was she getting thinner?

My attention was called from my poor baby sister by Russia.

"Hello everyone, wonderful morning isn't it," he said with an evil twisted smile and a dark laugh. "I know I called you all here for a 'meeting' but I guess that's not exactly the right word, more like you are all here so I can give you your orders, and all you dogs know what'll happen if you don't obey, da?" he laughed again. We all looked around pathetically and miserable, what else could we do but follow his crazy orders; we had nuclear missiles to our back. "I'm sure you have all seen that letter we got from the damn countries against us by now. Originally I would move my way up; Canada is the 2nd biggest country of the world, only surpassed by me. He of course would be the next on my list," he paused and smiled the evil smile at me. "But of course, Ukraine has bought his freedom, so my next target is Europe, we'll stick with the whole America theme and pick off all his close ones first, and the first one that comes to mind is England. We have all seen England at the meetings, he runs the show, and once we get rid of him we will really be sending a message. Then the rest of the world will see that we really mean business," he smiled as he spoke about his plans.

I felt sick to my stomach. England may always be grumpy, but seeing how he used to interact with America, Canada and even France at times you could tell he was a nice person.

Yet another good soul sentenced to death.

"It's all about survival of the fittest!" Russia said trying reason with the hurt look on all of our faces. "We are the group that has moved on to solve these problems of this fierce world, they are the weaker ones and until the others learn to join us, they will be picked off. It's Natural Selection! You all feel as though I am a monster, you all hate me, but think of it this way; I have saved you all from being destroyed! I saved you! You should be thanking me!"  
>We all didn't seem to feel very thankful. He claimed he saved us…but the nuclear missile jammed in our backs really told a different story. We all just remained silent.<p>

The night after the meeting was silent, yet I could feel in my heart the vibrations of the funeral bell ringing.

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><p><strong>Belarus' POV<strong>

5:00 the clock read. The green numbers seemed to flash and flash and flash, the clock didn't change, it seemed like the world just stood still it was insane. I had to do it, I had to press the button but I couldn't I stared at the red button. These were my orders, all I had to do, just press this button at the right time. The seconds were ticking away but I couldn't do it, it's not that I was close to England, I really wasn't but…I couldn't, I couldn't do it to another person, the guilt was killing me. America was in my ear, I could practically feel the ghost of his breath on my neck.

"Do it," he said. "Just do it." I felt my heart pounding in my chest, I knew I had to do it, I knew Russia wanted. Brother wanted this, I just needed to do what brother says and then he'll like me and we can get married like I have always wanted, but right now…I just couldn't do it.

"Do it, you need to do it. Just do it Natalia, do it and make England like me, then you will have the two of us here, with you for the rest of my life."

"Do it," he said

"Just do it!" he screamed.

I stared at the button and fell to my knees. I need to do this, I need to do, I need to do it.

But I can't….

Tears felly from my eyes and rolled down my cheek, I can't do, do this…just…I can't do this, I can't kill him, I can't kill someone the same way I killed him. I just can't. I can't do it.

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><p><strong>England's POV<strong>

I was sitting in my office drinking tea when it happened; it was so sudden I didn't really notice it at first. The room was suddenly spinning. I looked down…something red was staining my shirt, I looked around, where was that coming from…it looked like it was coming from underneath my shirt. I reached my finger down and dabbed a little, my hand seemed to be very pale, and it was shaking, why was I shaking? I reached my finger to my lips and I tasted a metallic cooper…it was blood…but why was there blood on my shirt.

Then it suddenly hit me. Pain, just burst of pain, one after another, hitting me all over my body, it just kept coming. I tried to stand up, to go and get help I took a few step and then fell on to the ground, screaming out in pain. I couldn't move it just hurt so much, it was such intense pain, it kept hitting one after the other, Dublin, Cardiff, Cambridge, York, Hampshire, Liverpool, Plymouth, Belfast, Galway, Navan, Tralee, Dundee, Hamilton, Glasgow. All over my country was hit.

Many people called me England, but the truth was I was the United Kingdom, while Scotland and the Ireland twins did exist, it was still my land, they would feel pain, but they would live if I lived, I was the one who felt the most pain as all of their cities were hit.

As I felt more and more pain as more and more people suffered, each missile taking many lives, I tried my best to escape, I had to get somewhere, I had to get help, I had to live for them. My body aches and I can't stand but I pull myself along, crawling leaving a trail of blood as I move. I had to do it, I had to live.

The pain continued to pulse through my body as I pulled myself out of my office, letting out yelps of pain. I let out moans of pain as I moved, I pulled myself up as I got into living room and France turned around confused.

He gasped as he saw me and ran over to help me. I leaned into his strong arms right as my legs gave out.

"Angleterre, what happened to you?! Who did this?! Who hurt you?! Angleterre!" He shouted. My head began to swing and my eyes became unfocused. I had to fight to keep them open. I knew who did this, it was very clear who was behind all this.

Soviets…that was the last word to leave my lips before I passed out.

They were coming for me too

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><p><em><strong>Please Review~!<strong>_


	8. My Betrayal

**Chapter 8**

**France's POV**

Beep, beep, beep…that was the only sound that filled the room, the sound of England's heart monitor beeping. It was the only proof I had that he was alive, and yet it became like the pendulum of a clock, ticking away the seconds that he continued to slip away. It's been 3 days now, 3 days that he has been like this, lying in bed, completely pale, lifeless and bloody and beaten. The past 3 days have seemed like just a blur, but France tried his best to spend as much time with England as he could.

The UN had declared war on the Soviet Union. After everything had happened to England he did his best to care for him. He had a private doctor that cared for all the countries come in and set up a mini-hospital in England's house. When he saw that England was stable he left to see to it that the alliances needed were made and to make sure the Soviets would pay. Germany, Japan, Canada, New Zealand and Australia were quick to join the alliance. Italy, China, Spain, Mexico, Turkey and Greece were harder to convince. I also got Monaco and Seychelles to agree to help out as well. Together we planned to take out the Soviet Union and punish everyone involved. However, not all of us were as confident about our abilities as others.

China was one who was not sure. He felt that the Soviets were gaining too much power and would be a threat. As soon as we put ourselves on the map they would take us all out like they did to America and would soon do to England. He wanted nothing to do with our plans, but with Hong Kong so passionately talking about aiding us and sending what he could to England to help China figured he was screwed anyway.

While England was unable to communicate Scotland and the Ireland twins were put in charge. That gave me a bit of worry. With all the trouble Southern Ireland gave England after he took Northern Ireland I wasn't sure what she would do in England's absence. I only hoped that her brother Northern Ireland would be a bit calmer about all this and keep his sister from taking advantage of England while he was in this state.

Southern Ireland always believed that her brother was suffering; she felt that England was just a criminal holding hostage and keeping him away from her, but that wasn't true. Sure at first England had seized Northern Ireland, but he wasn't suffering. In fact he and England became close friends. He tried his best to communicate with her sister and tell her that England wasn't that bad of a guy, but she wouldn't have it. She hated England and swore that he was brainwashing her brother, or forcing him to say such terrible things, she just couldn't believe that her brother could be happy without her.

While I made all the arrangements and plans, I only prayed that the protection from the other countries would help and we could finish the damn Soviets off before they came back to finish off the job.

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><p><strong>Ukraine's POV<strong>

Monday Morning we could hear that Russia was on his way when we heard the slamming of door and stomping of his feet. You could practically feel his anger in the room before he even stepped in it. I knew the issue already. England was still alive. After all the planning Russia did, Arthur Kirkland was still alive and that only meant one thing. Someone didn't send off their missile on the night we were supposed to.

I looked around at all the face trying to guess who could be so bold to disobey Russia like that when we all knew the consequences. Yet as I looked around, I couldn't find anything that gave even a slightest hint of who it was. The Baltics looked afraid as usual, Belarus had her messy head of hair down and was taking a nap, and Poland was looking around curiously as I was. I knew for sure that it wasn't me who did this. Despite my distaste for it all I did what I was told and all of my missile hit their marks, I had to do all that I could even if it meant hurting my friends. Canada was all I had left and I had to protect him anyway that I could.

I just wish I had a way that I could explain all of this to Matvey. He hasn't talked to me since the attack. He knows I was involved and I want nothing more than to just talk to him and comfort him in his time of need, but I knew that there is no way that I could be the one to comfort him now. He probably hated me, and that was okay, because all that mattered to me was that he was safe. No matter what I would always love him and want to keep him safe from the craziness of my brother. I just needed him to be safe.

As Russia came in we all fell silent and watched him as he walked around the room eyeing us. He slammed the door shut behind him when he entered which caused Belarus to jump awake, she attempted to fix her hair and then she looked up at Russia. Russia met all of our eyes with an evil glare.

"Are all of you so dense that you would actually think to challenge me, you would actually think to defy me?! Are all of you so stupid to think that you could disobey me and doubt my power?! You are all stupid pieces of shits! If you think that just because you are part of the union I will spare you well then you are wrong! I know who it was that didn't shoot off the rest of their missiles, but I want all the rest of you the rest of you to know that you are not necessary to me, if wanted to I could just take you all out one by one and take your land for myself. The only reason I allow you all to live unlike the others who have crossed me is because you have agreed to the plan towards a perfect world. I thought all of you have committed to the perfect world but apparently we have a weak link, someone who wants to work against all of our plans, we have a traitor," he said.

"I'm sorry!" Belarus screamed as she stood up, tears flowing down her cheeks. Russia took a step forward towards her, he took her look in and for a moment his eyes looked soft as he took in the look of his sister, but then they returned to hard and cold and he raised his hand and swiftly struck Natalia across the face. We all blinked and tried to process everything in shock.

It was Natalia that had betrayed Russia? How was that even possible? She loved him; she loved him more than anything. I doubted that she could even think about betraying brother let alone actually going ahead and doing it. What was up with her? She just seemed like a complete mess, she has been acting so different. What was wrong with her?

Russia slaps her again. "I have to say, that it really surprised me with this. I would have never suspected that you would be the one to try and foil my plans, you have been devoted to my side for years, wanting marriage and stuff," he paused and looked into her eyes. "And maybe I would have gone and done it too, when the world was finally perfect. I would have taken you and kissed you and loved you, but now…" he let his words lead off, and I saw Belarus finally raise her head and look him in the eye. I felt like I could literally see her heart break beneath her deep indigo eyes. Russia was attacking her both physical and emotionally. I saw tears fall from her eyes and I heard sobs as she released her pain.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Russia raised his hand and slapped her again.

"You weak pathetic bitch," he shouted and laughed. "I don't know why I was so afraid of you all these years. You are nothing," he slapped her again. "Nothing, you know, last night I considered bombing you instead but I wanted to why, tell me why!" He shouted as he grabbed her by her neck.

I slammed my hands against the table and shouted "Stop!" I have had enough. "Stop it brother, you have made your point," I told him, I was filled with anger. "Stop it, we are a family and you should not treat you sister that way, that is not the way that I raised you," I said. He laughed at me and let go of Belarus who was now lying on the floor.

"A family," he asked, then he laughed again as he stepped towards me. "You think this is a family?" he continued to laugh. "This is coming from the girl who put her boyfriend before all of us!" he laughed in my face. "This is not a family, this is a dictator ship and I am in charge of all, anyone who strikes out against me gets kill, da?" He laughed again as he looked at both me and Belarus. "This is not a family, to think my two sisters would try to work against me, and try to spoil my plans for a perfect world? Both of you are trash, no good sluts!"

"I have done nothing to you brother! There is no need for such name calling," I said to him try to stand my ground. He laughed again and raised his hand as if he were going to slap me. I flinched he continued to laugh in my face.

"You think you are oh so perfect don't you? You are just little Miss innocent, huh?" he spit in my face. "You aren't, I know you, even now while we kill people from the other side you remain close to them, you are liability, I would have killed you too if it didn't seem so easy to use that connection, yet as we continue to attack your usefulness is fading. You think you can come here and just play the part of loving big sister, you think that will make us all love you and want to protect you? No, you betrayed me a long time ago when you sided with them, the people who hated me. You are no longer my sister," he said glaring at me, his eyes seemed so dead and lifeless, and cold, they made me shiver in fear as a chill ran up my spine.

Russia looked around the room. "All of you, give me one more reason, any sort of reason, and I will kill every last one of you like nothing, da?" The room was silent and he took that as agreement.

"Now, back to the matter at hand, because of the circumstance we are going to have a few problems finishing the job with England, now that the rest of the countries now our intentions they have strengthened their alliance and will be looking out for and protecting England. They will most likely shoot down our missiles before they reach their targets, which is a problem because…" Russia continued on in great detail and I just laid my head on the table and thought.

Had brother really felt that way? Like I had abandoned him? Is that how he felt? Like I put my friendship with Canada and America over him? I shook my head. I had to get close to Canada, when brother began attacking my people he was the only one I could turn to. He was turning my people into slaves and working them to death, Canada rescued me, yet, was it because my brother felt abandoned and along before that the reason he became like this?

Had I really neglected him so much?

"So in order to solve this I have recruited someone who could be of use to us an inside source," he said. "Everyone, I would like you all to meet Ms. Southern Ireland and the IRA," he raised his hand to the door and a small pale woman walked in with fiery red hair. Her face was covered in freckles and she had soft pink petal lips. She was small in build, but she looked strong, her eyes were an emerald green and seemed to have a certain wild fighting spirit in them. She smiled.

"Glad to be of service to all of you, my name is Erin," she said.

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><p><em><strong>Please Review<strong>_


	9. My Family

**Chapter 9**

**My Family**

**France's POV**

It was early in the morning when it happened. I was asleep in Arthur's room and in mind it sounded like fireworks. I saw myself with him under the stars on Bastille Day, the red white and blue fireworks going off over our heads, it was so nice. Until before I knew it he was gone, I looked around and I couldn't find him. I called out his name but he wouldn't answer. My heart was beating like a drum in my chest. I needed to find him, I needed to find him, but I couldn't. I continued to search but there was nothing, no one. Finally everything seemed to go back, and there, echoing through my mind was his voice, rasped and bloody as his vocal cords slammed together as he let out the most terrifying and pain filled scream I have ever heard. Then there in the silence I heard it echo followed by the sound that had finally registered enough in my mind to wake it up.

The sound of a heart monitor flat-lining…

My eyes flew open and I rushed to England's side.

"Angleterre, Angleterre, wake up, please you must!" I shouted at his pale limp body. I wouldn't let him leave me. Not him too, not after America, he had to stay! We had to catch these bastards!

The doctors came in and began working at him, ripping open his pajamas, which I had changed him into, so they could get at his chest with the AED. I watched holding England's hand desperately. He had to make it through. He had to, I would not let the soviets take another one of my dear friends, this was not the end, no, he had to make it through! He has always been much stronger than I ever made him out to be, I knew he could do it, I knew he could, he had to, for Alfred's sake.

"England," I whispered, tears falling down my face. He always insisted I speak English around him, mostly so he could understand me, yet his reasoning was more for his ego, something about his language being far superior, but at the moment I didn't care. I would do anything to keep here. I could speak fucking Ethiopian if he wanted me to, just so he would survive. "England, please," I said. "You can't leave, we are so close, we need you, we need you to take these bastards down! I need you, Matthew needs you…and Alfred needs you, even if he is no longer here with us I know this is what he would want, he would want you to survive, just please," I said.

Nothing, the doctors continued to work as they pushed me away getting ready to shock him. I stepped back, but my eyes never left him.

"You mark my words England," I shouted at him as they continued to work.

Clear

"I will find the bastards that did this to you, whether or not you survive this or not, and I will make them pay!"

Clear

"Do you hear me, I will kill them, and I don't care if I die in the process! I will do it! I will stop them before they hurt anyone else like they have hurt you and Alfred, Big Brother will handle this!"

Clear

I fell forward after they administer the last shock. I desperately grabbed his hand, tears falling from my eyes and crashing on to his hand.

"England," I whispered.

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><p><strong>Australia's POV<strong>

"I found another one!" I shouted to the bomb team as they continued to search through the cities, men rushed over and collected their tools as they began to dismantle it.

I heard the report as she spoke to the camera from a safe distance away.

"Early this morning it was reported that many bombs when off in some of the most populated cities here in England. The identity of the bomber is still unknown as the bomb squads continue to try and dig up any possible information on the attacks. The questions we are waiting to figure out are…. Who did this? Why did they do this, and does this have any sort of relation to the newly formed Soviet Union and their recent attacks and takeover of the United States of America? This Diane Stanley- Jones reporting to you live from the scene, back to you Tom," she said as she finished her report. I went back to doing my job, searching for anything that could seem like a bomb or some sort of explosive.

It was no secret who lead this terrorist attack that just so happened to occur shortly after the bombing. While Diane Stanley-Jones and the rest of the human population didn't know it for sure yet, there was no doubt in my mind that the Soviet Union did this. Those damn criminals weren't going to stop until we all buckled and joined them. It fucking pissed me off, because I knew in a way it was working. With America dead it spread a sense of both fear and pride. It seemed only a matter of time till countries like North Korea joined their side.

No one really seemed to understand my whole relationship with England and why I was here helping him. After my independence everyone though that I just went on about my life and continued to hate England, but that wasn't exactly true…. He was like a father to me. He raised me since I was a child and in a way I would always love him, even it was love which was paired with hate, in our whole love-hate relationship that we had going. It is like that with a lot of his other colonies. America had to be the best example of that, they had a long emotional battle between the two of them, and yes they didn't talk for a while after but when it came to it, they recovered and America would help England out whenever he saw that he needed it, not just because he thought of himself as a hero, but because he was family. That is what family does, they help each other. I have always thought of America as a brother, it didn't matter where we were located on a map, we were raised together, we grew up together, we had the same father, that's all that matter when it came to family. He didn't care about our difference, hell he called India his sister all the time and they looked nothing alike! America was just like that he didn't care about appearance he wanted to be friends with everyone, he accepted his family for who they were rather than what they looked like and where they came from. That was the other reason I was here out in the field. My family, it was being threatened and I did not like it. I wasn't able to help save my brother so here I was trying to save the man who raised the both of us and any other friends or siblings these bastards might try and attack.

"I've got a few fragments over here," I shouted gazing at the metal. The bomb team rushed over. I took a metal piece of the bomb into my hand and gazed at it. It was charred, distorted, melted and covered in gun powder, yet even through all of that it still managed to shine and reflect light. I stopped what I was doing and looked up at the sky.

Blue, just like brother's eyes…

I looked back down at the metal.

"I'm going to protect him bro, just because I know that is what you would want me to do," I said with a small smile. "I won't let you down," I said as I turned the metal piece over.

Maybe it was just the light playing tricks or my mind going crazy from all the freaking stress, but as I turned the metal piece, the gun powder coming off on my fingers…I swore…that I saw him, standing there behind me with a huge smile on his face, like he always seemed to be like when he was alive.

Of course, I turned around, because who wouldn't in that situation but of course behind me I saw nothing, just the ruins of buildings and people in SWAT and bomb protective outfits walking around examining the scene. Of course that is all I would see…if it was only hope and love that could bring him back he would have been back already with how many friends he had and how everyone just seemed to love the guy. How could you not get along with America? The guy was just so damn loveable!

I sighed as I got up and shook my head trying to work.

Back to work, I guess.

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><p><em><strong>Ahhhhhh I really have no ideas of what to do now. I'll come up with something…. Hopefully I will update soon…<strong>_

_**Please Review~**_


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